Sensual Massage in a Traumatic World

Women are abused. Always have been, and unfortunately, will likely always be subject to abuse, injustice, and inequality unless some massive shifts happen. In light of recent (yet painfully ongoing) revelations of how widespread sexual and emotional abuse has been perpetrated by the hands of powerful men, it seems important to revisit why this experience of sensual massage is in direct opposition to the horrific and manipulative behavior women are so often subject to.

It seems almost everyday that the revelations about the files get worse and worse and involve more and more “leaders” and men with money. The political administration we have has repeatedly demonstrated that they are not only uninterested in pursuing justice, but are the actual perpetrators themselves. It’s beyond disgusting, shameful, and rage-inducing.

How are women supposed to feel safe in this atmosphere? How could a woman embrace her body, desire, sensuality, and even her past trauma in a world that continues to violate it?

One way it seems is by finding safe spaces — particularly one’s held by men — to be able to face these deep and powerful things head on. The way out is through. This is what I try and offer everyone who comes into my space. A safe, open, respectful, freeing, and empowering space for women to go deep into their spirituality and sexuality and see what lies below. A space that invites this exploration that doesn’t then turn it back on them to make them feel afraid, ashamed, hurt, or traumatized, as so often happens in intimate situations involving men. What if women were allowed space to create new neural pathways of erotic and emotional freedom? What if a man held space for a woman’s nervous system to reset and the grip of trauma to soften? What if intimacy actual felt safe? Where your ecstatic release was allowed unconditionally? What if your pleasure wasn’t predicated on his?

I am grateful for any man that offers this sort of space for women, whether personally or professionally. It has been my north star the entire time I’ve been offering this work. I believe fully and passionately in it. And can only that cultivating love and pleasure, creates more and more.

I’m not perfect. And my ego exists. But I hope that this humble service I offer can continue to fight the disgusting norm of abusing and disregarding of women (and their bodies) by men. We need more good men. May this safe space continue to cultivate more liberation and pleasure for women everywhere. I hope for it everyday.

Why I Do This Work?

Why do I do this work? I am often asked this question from new clients. The answer is long and much-ruminated upon. Why would a straight-presenting white man start offering sensual massage for women? Why would I begin this practice during the ‘Me Too’ movement and other cultural awakenings around toxic behavior by men in power? What are my intentions? I know there has been some skepticism among potential clients – there must be some nefarious intentions behind this, right?

When I was developing this work, and deciding whether to offer it to the public, many of these questions came up. From me, my partner, my community, the culture at large. How could women trust me and my intentions to be able to open themselves so fully and vulnerably to this type of work? I don’t take this responsibility lightly. It is a huge moment of trust for people to be able to reach out to a stranger on the internet requesting this type of massage, let alone actually receiving it.

As I say in my podcast interview: if we can’t feel safe, we can’t relax. Everything I do is in service of my client feeling safe, comfortable, and most importantly, wildly good in their bodies.

My interest in doing this sort of work began years ago I suppose. Giving and receiving massage to me was always a turn on. I love touch. Many people do. It feels great, if it’s given with consent and proper intentions. We are all touch-starved in different ways.

I found myself to be very good at listening intuitively to the body, the body’s muscles and tissues, but also the more subtle signals of the body’s energies. I am able to listen and respond with my hands.

During the revolt against toxic masculinity, abuse, and patriarchic power structures that swept through our culture, I, like any well-intentioned and “woke” man, began to look at myself and the larger culture in different ways. How could I use my place – as a white man in a white male body – for better good?

When I looked around, I realized there were ample providers offering this work to men, but that this wasn’t being offered to women. Why not? Women are the most amazing creatures to gift this planet with their presence. They hold so much power, potential, renewal, wisdom, sensuality, connection, and influence. And they have been the most tormented, silenced, abused politically, emotionally, physically, and sexually. There is also so much sexual repression and shame that is covering our culture and the way we see our bodies, our sexuality, our partners. Many women feel there is something missing in their sexual experiences, in their relationship to their own bodies and pleasure.

I wanted to change that cycle. I wanted to offer women the type of deep, healing touch and release they deserved. I wanted to offer a truly safe space where they can be touched in a way they never have before. In true honor, worship, and service to their beauty, power, and deep sensuality. I wanted women to feel seen and heard. To be able to express their needs and intentions, and for them to be received with an open heart. How often are we asked, what do we truly want?

I see myself as a conduit or a bridge. My job is to channel and move energy in and around your body. This practice is not about me. I am just a guide. It is your pleasure, your healing. It is a chance for you to tap into a deep and often mystical sense of presence and pleasure. It is my job to safely guide you there, with consent.

The body holds so much power for pleasure and renewal. It also holds so much tension and trauma, both present and past, especially in the hips, pelvic floor, and genitals. There are often layers upon layers of shame and guilt stored in these parts of the body. These areas are ignored in a standard massage. Yet there is so much potential for pleasure and release in these areas. There is the potential for un-locking. There is potential for pleasure and release beyond what we can imagine.

You are not broken. Your body is not broken. You have just been living in a system of shame and abuse, perpetrated over generations. You are not taught about your body. You likely haven’t been taught that sex and pleasure is good. That you deserve it!

My goal for the last 7 years has been to cultivate a safe, welcoming space for you, your body, and your sensual energy to feel at home. To express love through touch. I hope to create more love and pleasure, starting in the body.

This work is an ongoing practice of humility, patience, presence, and self-work for me. It has been one of the greatest gifts of my life to connect with people in this way. I am truly humbled and in awe of people abilities to receive and change. It is amazing to witness.

Hopefully this answers some of those questions. Maybe it doesn’t. It’s all a learning process. Everything is change. I look forward to meeting you soon.